Roy Tang

Someone on quora asked:

I often refuse doing things cause I am scared of the money. We aren’t poor. He tells me this makes him feel a low priority. Is this justified?

Well, the first thing to ask yourself is: do you like hanging out with him? If not, the way forward should be clear.

The second thing to ask yourself is: why are you so scared of spending money? This can happen if you grew up in a poorer family and are used to scrimping and saving, or it may simply be that your level of saving is justified and it’s your partner that has a problem because he is spending too much.

The third thing is: since you prefer staying at home you are likely an introvert. If you want to be with your partner, you should also learn how to care for an introvert. At the same time, you can ask him to be more considerate of your needs as an introvert.

Sit down with your partner and talk through these issues with him. One thing I can suggest is if the two of you decide together to allocate a budget, say a monthly budget, for “going out” activities, at a level you’re comfortable with so you don’t spend too much money. Discuss also the difference in the activities you prefer. Maybe you can agree to go out at most X times a month or a week, and he can agree to spend Y days a week at home with you, and maybe even have some days for the two of you to do things separately. Compromise on the activities you both can do together: “Okay, we’ll go out this often, but can we also spend some nights staying in and doing [activity you like]?”

Good luck!